Hi Everyone,
I have a strange question - why do we need to have grounds for divorce when filing for divorce in New York?

I know it sound a bit old fashioned, but i don't feel comfortable in providing a false reason. Both me and my spouse had some good years together but finally many issues drove us a part and we decided to part.

We still respect each other and I don't see why should we provide an irrelevant grounds for divorce.
Isn't it enough that we both wish to file for divorce?

What exactly are our options?
Thanks,
Sarah.

Hi Sarah,

Boy do I hear you!!

All of the couples who come to mediation are able to sit in the room together, muster their adult selves, and try to wish each other well, for the future.

That is not easy. But they do it.

And then the state requires that they ascribe fault in the divorce papers. Which can make people feel that they have to undo what they worked so hard to do.

NY is the one remaining state that does not have no-fault divorce. As you may have heard in the news - there is a bill pending in the State Assembly, that has passed the Senate, which would allow a couple to seek divorce once they have been living apart for 6 months.

But we don't know if that will pass - and if it does - when it will be in place.

Your options for divorcing in NY right now are:

Signing a complete settlement agreement, which can be worked out and written for you in mediation, and wait for one year. At that point, either of you would then have an action for (what's called a) conversion divorce. That is the closest ground we have to 'no-fault.'

Abandonment - one person left the marital home and you lived apart for a year
Lock-out abandonment - one person made the other leave marital home and you lived apart for a year
Constructive abandonment - one person refused to have sex with the other for year, and was not under a disability which prevented him/her from fulfilling that marital duty.

I encourage people to not focus too much on the divorce forms, since we don't - at this point - have options, for getting divorced - which more accurately reflect the situation, and there are no consequences to what is in the court papers.

Divorce records in NY are sealed. Only the 2 of you, and an attorney named in the papers, can see the file. You have to show a photo ID. There are no consequences to what is in the papers, this is just what you have to do.

Write to your state assemblyperson & tell him/her how you are feeling.

You could always move to another state.